Oblivion

This morning, I had Thai lessons.
I was so happy that I am finally learning some Thai! Life will be so much easier! Although, today was tough.
Yesterday and the day before yesterday were the best days I've had in Thailand. It was so much fun to hang out with all my exchange friends and to talk in full English sentences! It was a high point point of my life in Thailand. But, what goes up, must come down.

Today, I woke up, and didn't want to get up. I didn't want to eat or move. I didn't even want to open my eyes, even to check the time.
I have been home sick here before. But not like this. Before it was a longing feeling.
Now it feels like I am not present. I am a hollow shell. A drone. A ghost. It feels like there are holes in my gut and chest. Empty holes. Black holes. Holes filled with oblivion.
Despite my despair, I got up, I showered and went to school. I listened to music on my ipod and said hello to my classmates.
Next, I went to Thai tutoring. I began to learn some new words and phrases when out of the blue my teacher asked me if I called my host mom 'Mom'.
I said no.
"What about your host daddy?"
I call him Chanan.
She then started speaking in Thai to all the other teachers in the room about me not calling my host parents mom and dad.
I just couldn't handle it.
It's hard enough to sit through people talking in Thai without understanding, but it feels really bad when you know what they're talking about but don't know what they're saying about it.
Tears filled my eyes.
I want to talk to my exchange friends. I want to be with my real Mom and Dad.  My real parents understand how I function. They notice how I feel and know what I like and don't like. I want to talk in English and understand what people are saying.
The teacher noticed my watering eyes and said I didn't have to learn any more Thai today. I am thankful that she let me stop for today.
My next class was Sword Fighting, although the teacher had a meeting, so I didn't have that class today.
My next two classes were art. The teacher decided to go to the mall for the day.
So I sat at my Thai teachers' desk for three hours. She was teaching another class and said I could use her computer until lunch.
So I sat. I sat and watched Youtube videos. Video after mindless video.
I sat and tried to fill my holes of oblivion with the oblivion of the internet.

Book: The legend of sleepy hollows, half way done
Thai:chai...............................................................yes